CHINA, SOCIETY, OPINION: When Love Mixes with Money
By Yang Xiaobao
If I were 81 and poor, would you marry me? What if I were 81 and rich? That's a tough question, yet people must give satisfying answers in real life.
Several days ago, a rich widow in Wuhan published an advertisement expressing her wish to find an ideal husband. The women, a millionaire, after losing her husband in Taiwan, moved back to her hometown Wuhan 8 years ago. Living alone, she wanted to find a husband to enrich her late years. Ms. Wu said her ideal husband should not be too old, should have a good education and a decent job. In addition, he should be good looking. Soon after the advertisement was published, over 300 people called Ms. Wu to declare their willingness to marry her along with promises to take good care of her.
The applicants' ages vary from 20 to 88. There are professors, doctors, scientific researchers, and athletes among them. While their ages and occupations differ greatly, they have one common ground: all of them claim a wish to marry Ms. Wu, but that their wishes have nothing to do with her money.
On the one hand, I really appreciate Ms. Wu's courage and open mind. In old China, there was a conviction that a woman should have only one husband in her life and she was to be loyal to that husband. When her husband died, she was expected to stay single till the end of her life. Even though born in old China, Ms. Wu was not chained to this old conviction. In her early eighties, she chose to find happiness again through marriage. In modern society, we believe that everyone deserves happiness. But not everyone has the courage to pursue happiness through marriage at such an age. So Ms. Wu's courage is really admirable.
On the other hand, I worry about her happiness. Within the 300 applicants, Ms. Wu can easily find a husband that meets her requirements. But how can she be sure that her future husband loves her more than her money? Don't take me wrong, I am not a skeptic. I believe in true love and I believe that there is someone who will take Ms. Wu as an ideal wife-to-be and take good care of her. But do all 300 applicants have the same pure purpose? I am afraid not. Ms. Wu, however, is quite optimistic about the applicants' motivations. When interviewed by the local newspaper, she said confidently that with enough life experience, she could judge whether the applicants truly loved her or only her money.
If Ms. Wu's story happened two decades ago, the conservative Chinese people would be astonished. Yet in a modern society where money plays a dominant role, everything seems reasonable and acceptable. As money has played a more and more important role in our society, earning money has become the chief goal in many people's lives. And some of them choose to take short cuts. So a good marriage--marrying a rich person--is considered wise and proper means to gain wealth and a better life. It is such a pity that with the trend of commercialization everything can be taken as a commodity. Even marriage is not spared.
Goethe once said: "I love you, but nothing about you." And this saying was used to move countless people decades ago. But nowadays, his saying is interpreted as: "I love you, but nothing about your money." And this interpretation suits Ms. Wu's story quite well. Love was once believed to be a sanctity. But money whitewashes the divine light of love as well as marriage.
Ms. Wu's story has stirred up heated discussion on the Internet. Some people regard it as valid proof of virtue lost. Suddenly the 300 applicants become targets for these people online. I think it cruel to criticize all of the applicants as examples of the loss of virtue. But their deed is at least a challenge to the traditional value of Chinese people.
However, the 300 applicants have their supporters. They hold that there is nothing wrong in marrying an old woman with a great deal of money, because money is also a part of the attractiveness of marriage. An expert on social science said that a happy marriage is composed of three parts: love, sex, and material gain. Each element counts for one third of the whole requirement of a happy marriage. On that basis, the 300 applicants should not stand accused as they are, as material gain plays a big part in any marriage.
But the expert neglected something important: in Ms. Wu's future marriage, the very origin of love is money, because the applicants know nothing about her except that she is 81 and a millionaire. And I doubt that sex will play any role in the marriage of an 81 year-old woman. Therefore the foundation of their happy marriage turns out to be 100% material gain.
I can understand the practical need in the marriage. But I firmly believe that only love is the real foundation of marriage. Am I too out-dated to catch up with the latest concept? Am I too idealistic to fit into this ever more practical society? I don't know.
But I hold that when love mixes with money, the marriage is no longer a pure one but a contract, which may assure you a well-off life but which could also fail to give you a life with true love. Anyhow, I sincerely hope that Ms. Wu will select her Mr. Right and have a happy marriage with no connection to material exchange, only love.
If I were 81 and poor, would you marry me? What if I were 81 and rich? That's a tough question, yet people must give satisfying answers in real life.
Several days ago, a rich widow in Wuhan published an advertisement expressing her wish to find an ideal husband. The women, a millionaire, after losing her husband in Taiwan, moved back to her hometown Wuhan 8 years ago. Living alone, she wanted to find a husband to enrich her late years. Ms. Wu said her ideal husband should not be too old, should have a good education and a decent job. In addition, he should be good looking. Soon after the advertisement was published, over 300 people called Ms. Wu to declare their willingness to marry her along with promises to take good care of her.
The applicants' ages vary from 20 to 88. There are professors, doctors, scientific researchers, and athletes among them. While their ages and occupations differ greatly, they have one common ground: all of them claim a wish to marry Ms. Wu, but that their wishes have nothing to do with her money.
On the one hand, I really appreciate Ms. Wu's courage and open mind. In old China, there was a conviction that a woman should have only one husband in her life and she was to be loyal to that husband. When her husband died, she was expected to stay single till the end of her life. Even though born in old China, Ms. Wu was not chained to this old conviction. In her early eighties, she chose to find happiness again through marriage. In modern society, we believe that everyone deserves happiness. But not everyone has the courage to pursue happiness through marriage at such an age. So Ms. Wu's courage is really admirable.
On the other hand, I worry about her happiness. Within the 300 applicants, Ms. Wu can easily find a husband that meets her requirements. But how can she be sure that her future husband loves her more than her money? Don't take me wrong, I am not a skeptic. I believe in true love and I believe that there is someone who will take Ms. Wu as an ideal wife-to-be and take good care of her. But do all 300 applicants have the same pure purpose? I am afraid not. Ms. Wu, however, is quite optimistic about the applicants' motivations. When interviewed by the local newspaper, she said confidently that with enough life experience, she could judge whether the applicants truly loved her or only her money.
If Ms. Wu's story happened two decades ago, the conservative Chinese people would be astonished. Yet in a modern society where money plays a dominant role, everything seems reasonable and acceptable. As money has played a more and more important role in our society, earning money has become the chief goal in many people's lives. And some of them choose to take short cuts. So a good marriage--marrying a rich person--is considered wise and proper means to gain wealth and a better life. It is such a pity that with the trend of commercialization everything can be taken as a commodity. Even marriage is not spared.
Goethe once said: "I love you, but nothing about you." And this saying was used to move countless people decades ago. But nowadays, his saying is interpreted as: "I love you, but nothing about your money." And this interpretation suits Ms. Wu's story quite well. Love was once believed to be a sanctity. But money whitewashes the divine light of love as well as marriage.
Ms. Wu's story has stirred up heated discussion on the Internet. Some people regard it as valid proof of virtue lost. Suddenly the 300 applicants become targets for these people online. I think it cruel to criticize all of the applicants as examples of the loss of virtue. But their deed is at least a challenge to the traditional value of Chinese people.
However, the 300 applicants have their supporters. They hold that there is nothing wrong in marrying an old woman with a great deal of money, because money is also a part of the attractiveness of marriage. An expert on social science said that a happy marriage is composed of three parts: love, sex, and material gain. Each element counts for one third of the whole requirement of a happy marriage. On that basis, the 300 applicants should not stand accused as they are, as material gain plays a big part in any marriage.
But the expert neglected something important: in Ms. Wu's future marriage, the very origin of love is money, because the applicants know nothing about her except that she is 81 and a millionaire. And I doubt that sex will play any role in the marriage of an 81 year-old woman. Therefore the foundation of their happy marriage turns out to be 100% material gain.
I can understand the practical need in the marriage. But I firmly believe that only love is the real foundation of marriage. Am I too out-dated to catch up with the latest concept? Am I too idealistic to fit into this ever more practical society? I don't know.
But I hold that when love mixes with money, the marriage is no longer a pure one but a contract, which may assure you a well-off life but which could also fail to give you a life with true love. Anyhow, I sincerely hope that Ms. Wu will select her Mr. Right and have a happy marriage with no connection to material exchange, only love.
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